tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55926920335394562502024-03-13T19:35:13.383-07:001-moms-ramblingsThis blog is an honest and humorous look into motherhood from my point of view. What I want other moms to take away from this blog is that it's ok to laugh at ourselves and at our children, cause lets face it, kids are funny. There are times during motherhood where you are either going to laugh or cry, I prefer to laugh. And I hope this blog can make others laugh also.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-72001311399608817092023-01-23T14:53:00.000-08:002023-01-23T14:53:33.087-08:00Internalized Fatphobia<p> <span> Let me set the scene.... you're scrolling aimlessly through tik toc and you see a plus sized woman, a beautiful plus sized woman and her whole video is about body positivity. You know, you're more than your weight, your size doesn't determine your worth, wear the bikini because who the fuck cares if it makes people uncomfortable. All this rhetoric we've gotten used to hearing since the world has become more inclusive. I for one eat that shit up. I watch the videos, heart the videos, find myself nodding along to all the points they're making. I might even throw in a "hell yeah" or a "damn straight" if I'm really feeling it. I usually agree with most of, if not everything, they are saying. So..... what's the problem?</span></p><p><span><span> The problem is as I cheer these women on there is always this little voice in my head, that I can't get to shut it, saying "they look great but thank god that's not me!" Listen I know how that sounds, trust me I KNOW. I hate myself for thinking it, I don't want to think it, yet that voice is still there and still talking. </span><br /></span></p><p><span><span><span> I'm not gonna sit here and pretend this has anything to do with my concerns about a strangers health. I think by this point we all know that's bullshit, it very thinly (no pun intended) veiled fatphobia that wreaks of bullshit every time you hear it or see it in comment sections. Why would I be so concerned for a strangers health? It's none of my fucking business. I love how someone will comment the most vial shit and then double down and defend what they said because they're "concerned about this random person on the internets health". I mean.... at least I'm not that fucking guy, right? </span><br /></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span> I wanted to do a deep dive into my feeling and really workout why I feel and think this way, but a deep dive into why really isn't necessary. I know WHY it's nothing more than classic internalized fatphobia combined with her BFF internalized misogyny. Being a teen in the early 2000s is definitely a contributing factor. When it comes to body shaming and fatphobia the early 2000s are tough to beat. It does go deeper than that though. If I'm being completely honest and saying the quite part out loud..... I've seen first hand, in real life and on the internet, how people in larger bodies are treated. I have also experience first hand how conventionally attractive people are treated. I gotta tell ya I prefer the latter. I want people to find me attractive. I want men to find me attractive. I want that validation from men, not because I want to sleep with them (gross). I want them to want to sleep with me and then have the power to crush their dreams and let it be known that will NEVER, in a million years, happen. </span><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span> So why am I like this? I know other woman think about this stuff and worry about their bodies and their weight, but I do find myself wondering are other women thinking about/ obsessing about their bodies the same amount as me? I just hate how it's an everyday thing for me, I think about my body and how it looks multiple times every. single. day. I don't want to, I want to be one of those women on the other side of the screen saying yeah I'm fat, yeah I'm sexy, yeah I'm rocking this crop top. I think I tend to do a fairly decent job of pretending I'm that girl, but I am NOT that girl. I see plus size women all the time that I think look beautiful and HOT! I, however, am a 6 foot tall woman. The narrative in my head is shorter girls can be chubby and put on weight and still look fantastic but I can't be that tall and overweight. It's a one or the other situation. You can be tall, you can be plus size, but you CANNOT be tall and plus size.</span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span><span><span><span><span><span> Two years ago I tore my ACL skiing. I had to have surgery in March of 2021. It was brutal. About six months post-op when I was finally just starting to feel like a human again, I started having a lot of pain in my shoulder. Anyway, long story short, I ended up having to have shoulder surgery in August of 2022. Needless to say it's been a rough two years. I have been pretty depressed and in a major funk. That's a big reason I've started blogging again after all these years and seemingly out of the blue. I'm just trying to find myself again, reignite old passions that used to bring me joy, such as writing. Another passion of mine has always been working out. I have gained about 25 pounds since my surgeries. This is by far the heaviest I have ever been (while not pregnant). On January 4th I was cleared by my Dr. to return to the gym. It feels great! I really am finally starting to feel like myself again more and more everyday. I have told you all this because as much as I want to pretend that FEELING like myself is significantly more important to me than losing this weight that I have gained, I don't know if that's true. I HATE admitting that! I hate that as a 36 year old woman I'm still this consumed by my body's physical appearance. That even after two surgeries and having a new respect for what a privilege mobility and health truly are, I'm STILL worried about my weight. Man diet culture, fatphobia, misogyny they sure do grab a hold tight and dig their claws in you. How do people dig the claws out? It's like I know they're there, but I don't know how to get rid of them. How do you get rid of the claws? </span></span></span></span></span></span></p>Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-14832381136940045922014-05-05T13:00:00.000-07:002014-05-05T13:00:35.433-07:00Why I Ditched My Scale I can't believe it's been over a year since my last blog! OMG where have I been!?!?! What can I say other than...kids, right? Those little time suckers that we love so much! But I've recently had an epiphany that I'd like to share with you all. This is the story of why I decided to throw out my scale. I actually wanted to take it out back and beat it office space style but I thought that might be a little on the dramatic side.<br />
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It all started back in February when I took my boys to a birthday party. The host was my fabulous friend who happened to be about 7ish months pregnant with her 3rd baby. We started talking about everything pregnancy related as us women tend to do. I was so intrigued/shocked/impressed when my friend said she had no idea how much weight she had put on with this pregnancy. She didn't get weighed at her appointments but even if she did she wouldn't have known how much she'd gained because she didn't know what her pre-pregnancy weight was. This floored me because I was so obsessed with how much I weighed and how much weight I was gaining during both my pregnancies. I feel like I should add that my friend was obviously at a healthy weight in fact she's one of those annoyingly beautiful pregnant women. So if she's healthy and the baby's healthy why not skip the awful moment of stepping on the scale? Why not just throw the POS out all together?<br />
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For as much as I obsessed over my weight during pregnancy it was even worse after. Especially after Cooper. We knew after Brayden that we wanted to have another baby pretty quickly so I wasn't as worried about it, but that doesn't mean I wasn't worried about it at all. I lost the weight pretty fast after Cooper. By the time he was 4 months I was back to my pre baby weight, but here's the kicker I was still unhappy with my body. The cold hard truth is pregnancy changes your body so even though I weighed the same I didn't look the same. Coming to terms with how my two pregnancies permanently changed my body is something I still struggle with. <br />
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Anyway back to the reason I tossed that bitch. I started thinking about how stepping on the scale has NEVER made me happy. Even if I've lost weight, even if I've reached a goal I've set for myself I'm still not happy when I see the number on the scale. I'd always find myself thinking I need to lose 5 more pounds or whatever. I'd become one of those women fixated on how much I weighed, determined to find self acceptance in the number I just never could seem to reach. Who wants to be that woman? Not me! I was never like that before. I'd always been oozing self confidence and armed with a IDGAF attitude. I decided that enough was enough and I wasn't going to spend one more second worried about how much I weighed and I haven't stepped on a scale since.<br />
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So how do I feel? I feel great! I don't have anymore of those morning where I wake up feeling good, look in the mirror and feel pretty good only to have all that ruined by weighing myself. I no longer weigh myself before and after workouts to see if anythings changed. I no longer have goals that revolve around what that awful no good scale has to say. I'm looking forward to the next time I'll get asked how much I weigh because instead of cringing and fibbing by about 5 pounds I'll answer honestly, I don't know. Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-26905539228401392662013-03-21T16:27:00.001-07:002013-03-21T16:28:23.824-07:00You Gotta Love Tina!<div>
<span class="userContent">Ok so this is one of the greatest things I have ever seen! It's so so so spot on and the perfect example of why I avoid mom forums like the plague! I can't believe how judgmental, nasty, ridiculous and downright ignorant moms can be towards one another. I think mom pages are a great idea, but we've ruined them! And it's not just on the internet either, although that's defiantly where it's the worst. I don't understand why a mom can't get helpful advice from other moms without being attacked. Why do we insist on acting like we are at war with each other, like it's all some sort of competition? Being a mom is hard and parenting is NOT a one size fits all kinda deal. Instead of tearing each other down, can't we support each other instead? When someone asks a genuine question can't we answer them with a loving response without going off on a rant? We preach and preach to our children about being nice and respectful towards others so shouldn't we be doing the same? <br /> Speaking of going off on a rant! lol ok I'm done now!</span><br />
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Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-4997466193319564542013-01-03T15:35:00.001-08:002013-01-03T15:35:50.454-08:00Riddle Me This...At the beginning of class everyday my fourth grade teacher, Mr. Harris, would read a brain teaser to the class. If someone could correctly answer the riddle, they would win a small candy treat. I loved hearing the brain teasers and trying to figure them out, unfortunately I sucked. There is one I always remembered, though, maybe because it's the only one I ever got right (well kinda got right, I really did suck) or maybe it's because it would end up having a deeper meaning to me later in life. Either way this was the riddle...<br />
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A farmer has a sack of grain, a chicken and a fox. He has to get them across the river and he can't go around or fly, but he does have a boat. He can only take one thing at a time across the river. The fox can't be left alone with the chicken or the chicken will get eaten. The chicken can't be left alone with the sack of grain or he will eat it. How can the farmer get them across?<br />
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This is the answer...<br />
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Take the chicken over and leave the fox and the grain. Go get the fox, drop it off and pickup the chicken. Take the chicken back across, pickup the grain and leave the chicken. Drop the grain off with the fox and go back and get the chicken. Viola, now all of them are safely across the river. <br />
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Being the sweet little (well actually I was the tallest kid in class so "little") nine year old that I was, I thought Mr. Harris was simply providing us with an activity that would simultaneously entertain and stimulate our constantly developing minds, plus I really wanted to win that candy! Little did I know he was also setting me up with the skills I would one day need to overcome one of a moms greatest challenges. Riddle me this...<br />
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A mom has a trunk full of groceries, a sleeping one year old and a crying two year old. She has to get them up the stairs and into the apartment. She can't fly or carrying everything at once but she does have two arms and two legs. She can only take one child and a couple bags at a time up the stairs. The two year old can't be left with the one year old because he'll wake him up. The one year old can't be left in the car because it's freakin freezing out. The groceries can't all be carried up at once because the mom was shopping for a family that eats a ridiculous amount of food each week. How can the mom get them inside?<br />
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This is the answer...<br />
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ummmmmmm... I told you guys already, I suck at brain teasers! Thanks anyways Mr. Harris, it was a valiant effort. I'll just give us all a piece of candy once we somehow manage get inside (ok, ok I'll probably give myself more than one piece, don't judge me!)Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-68855875168690716332012-11-15T10:12:00.001-08:002012-11-15T10:12:20.380-08:00In Memory of an Amazing Woman, My GrandmaAs I sit here in the aftermath of the passing of my Grandma I feel sad and guilty but also hopeful. I feel sad because the world has lost a truly amazing woman. The kind of woman who went to college and earned her teaching degree in a time when the world didn't value a woman with an education. The kind of woman who can raise seven children and raise them well. The kind of woman who was funny, caring, wise, loving and did it all while looking flawless! The kind of mom that I try to be. The kind of Grandma that I hope to be someday. <br />
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I feel guilty because I hadn't seen my Grandma in two years. We lived so far away for so long, but since we moved closer 5 months ago I've been saying I really need to make the trip to see her. I didn't make the trip and now I won't get the chance. This is weighing heavily on my heart. I wish I would have tried harder to go see her. I wish she would have got the chance to meet Cooper. I hope she knew how much I love her and how much she means to me, I think she did. <br />
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I feel hopeful because her and Grandpa are finally together again. They are now in a place where there is no Alzheimer's, no pain, no surgery. They can just happily watch their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, hand in hand, side by side. I hope that the thought of being with grandpa again brought her peace in her final days. They had the kind of love that everyone yearns for, but not everyone is lucky enough to get. The kind of love that I'm fortunate enough to have with Eric. I think that I know so certainly that Eric and I have that kind of love from watching my grandparents interact with each other. <br />
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I have so many great memories from my childhood flooding my brain right now. I wonder if pecan sandies really were my Grandma's favorite type of cookie, or over the years she just came to realize that was the only kind of cookie that would last more than five minutes in a house full of grand kids. I know the oreo's in Grandpa's cookie jar didn't last long. I remember her laugh, she had a great laugh. Every Sunday Grandpa would drive Grandma into town so she could get her hair done. I always thought it was so crazy she didn't have her drivers licence. She was the only adult I knew who couldn't drive. I still have her two pink fish that hung in her bathroom for years. I always loved those fish when I was a kid and was so happy when they were given to me. Those fish have hung in every bathroom of every place I have lived since I moved out of my parents house (which has been A LOT of places!). Even all the scuzzy, run down, mice infested apartments I lived in during college. The fish always make it feel like home and that's because those fish remind me of my childhood and of my Grandma. That's what it's all about, the memories. Gone but never forgotten. I love you Grandma!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-84395173311482340912012-11-04T10:25:00.000-08:002012-11-04T10:25:14.190-08:00A Happy Mom = A Good MomClicking on new post felt good, it felt really good. It has been so long since I have done any kind of writing and it feels good to be back. I've missed it! I just didn't realize how much until now. Since Cooper has been born (so for 11 months now) I haven't had the chance to do much writing at all. Well that's not entirely true, the truth is since Cooper's been born I haven't made much time for writing. It's actually one of my pet peeves when people use not having the time as an excuse not to do something. If it's something you really want to do it, then make the time. <br />
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My family has gone through a big change, a huge change actually, we moved from Pittsburgh PA to Rock Springs WY going on five months ago. As any of you who have ever moved before know, moving is hard! When we (we being just me and Eric back then) first moved to Pittsburgh from Butte, MT I thought we had made a big mistake. As it turns out I think moving to PA was the best thing we could have done at that time in our lives, it is my hope that I will soon feel that way about moving to Rock Springs. <br />
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One thing moving has done, well either moving or the fact that Cooper is getting a little older, is to rekindle my desire to start writing again. Writing makes me happy, it's my thing. Here is something that I've learned, it may seem obvious and simple but that's not always the case, to be the best mom you can be YOU have to be happy. A happy mom equals a good mom! <br />
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This means different things for different people. Some moms could stay at home if they wanted too, but don't because they wouldn't like it, and that's OK! It's better to sped less time with your kid if that means more "quality" time. I mean if you're home all day and miserable and cranky, sure you're around your kids more, but EVERYONE is unhappy! Are you going to be happy all day everyday? Of course not! Don't be ridiculous! There will be time when working moms feel guilty about leaving their children and there will be times when stay at home moms feel like they are literally going to go bat-shit-crazy! Trust me, this fact (the bat-shit-crazy part) I know all to well.<br />
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But it's not just if you are a working mom or a SAHM. It's much more than that, you are much more than that. It's so easy for us moms to get in the mind set that we are ONLY moms. Being a mom is wonderful and the number one priority, but being a mom is only part of you, probably the bigest part sure, but you are still <em>you</em>. It's OK to take time for yourself. It's OK to have hobbies and interests that don't involve your children. I know I know you don't have the time or the money or the energy or the whatever you excuse may be. But you need to make the time, budget in the money, drink a damn cup of coffee or whatever, it's important! It's important because it might make you feel guilty or like you're being a bad mom if you don't devote 100% of your time to your kids, but ultimately it will make you a BETTER mom! And don't tell me spending time with your kids does make you happy, OF COURSE that makes you happy, but everyone needs some variety of one kind or another. We want our children to grow up to be well rounded people, right!?! So we need to model for them how to be well round, by being well rounded ourselves. <br />
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Another thing I also know from personal experience is this, it's easier said than done. But I'm working on it and you should too! Get out there momma and find something, other than your kids, that makes you happy!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-69111956002348271012011-12-25T18:01:00.000-08:002011-12-25T18:01:05.159-08:00But baby, toddler beds are for...well toddlersIt was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Then from up the stairs there arose such a clatter I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter. Up the stairs I flew like a flash. To what did my wondering eyes appear, but Brayden out of his crib lying on the floor in fear. <br />
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So in case you didn't catch that, yesterday (which happened to be Christmas Eve) Brayden successfully climbed out of his crib and scared the crap out of me! I'm really not ready for him to be in a toddler bed yet, but I can't put him back in the crib knowing he can and will climb out. Next time he could really hurt himself. So we did the only thing we could do, we converted his crib into a toddler bed. <br />
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Brayden is 20 months old and I wasn't planing on putting him into a toddler bed for at least four more months-at least! Especially since Cooper wakes up twice a night to eat. When I'm feeding Cooper Brayden sometimes wakes up but then goes right back to sleep. Now that he isn't caged in the crib I'm worried he will get out of bed at 2 in the morning and start playing. He also wakes up around 6 most mornings when Eric gets up for work, but then goes back to sleep usually until around 8 or so. I just didn't want to deal with all that when I'm barely getting much sleep already. But ready or not it's toddler bed time. <br />
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What I didn't realize is that I'm also not emotionally ready for him to be in a toddler bed. The reason being toddlers sleep in toddler beds, not babies. So that means he is in fact a toddler. Before I know it I will be hearing the loud thunk when Cooper is able to climb out of his crib, and then my baby days will officially be over. Right now I feel okay with that, but I know it's only because I'm in the baby doesn't sleep through the night faze. In reality though, when that time does come I will be heartbroken.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-12881670385402614512011-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:002011-12-22T10:36:42.766-08:00AHHHHHHHHWant to know what's a lot harder than taking care of one kid, taking care of two kids. I knew it was going to be hard, but HOLY CRAP! This is the first time I've even been able to get on the computer in 5 weeks. That's because I am currently in the middle of a truly amazing phenomenon, both the kids are sleeping at the same time!<br />
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I'm so exhausted and somebody always needs something. Usually they both need something at the same time. My Mom had five kids and I didn't realise it growing up, but she is absolutely insane! I have decided it's a bad idea when the kids out number the parents. When Eric's home we can at least play a man to man defense, but when he's at work I have to switch to a zone defense. The kids could easily get together and plan a hostile take over of the house, I'm just hoping they never figure that out. <br />
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Oh geez, my 15 minutes of silence is over. Cooper has decided to wake up already. Maybe in another 5 weeks I will get a chance to finish this post, but don't hold your breath.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-32722664922180452011-10-19T10:54:00.000-07:002011-10-19T10:54:09.984-07:00This is For Any Mom Who's Ever Felt JudgedI'm so tired of how judgemental us moms can be towards each other, but also towards ourselves. I think that we all need to be less hard on ourselves and each other. Instead of shoving our own parenting views down others throats, maybe we should try and be supportive of each other, keeping in mind there is not one "right way" to raise a child. Obviously if you are a hooker who leaves her kids home alone while turning tricks, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the average hardworking, loving, doing the best she can mom. I have made a list of things that I'm done feeling guilty (well trying to be done feeling guilty) for. Some of the things on the list are things I make myself feel guilty about and some of the things other moms make me feel guilty about. I'm calling the list my I'm-not-perfect-but-I-try-hard-so-get-over-it-list. Now keep in mind this is my own personal list, some of things you might agree with and some you may not. This list is not meant to offend or judge moms who feel differently, this is just how I feel. To each their own. <br />
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1. I stop breastfeeding at 6 months, get over it. If you want to go longer than that, power to ya! But I don't. And it doesn't mean that my kids are going to be sitting in the back of the class drooling while the kid who was breastfed longer will be graduating from Harvard at age 16.<br />
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2. Sometimes I give Brayden lucky charms for breakfast, get over it. I know, I know everything we eat is poison and causes diseases. Well guess what I don't have the time, money, or energy to make sure every single thing he eats is 100% natural and organic, plus their delicious!<br />
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3. I use disposable diapers, get over it. Don't get me wrong, I understand why people go the cloth diaper way, but I'd much rather wrap that turd up and throw it away!<br />
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4. I let my baby cry it out at bedtime, get over it. Brayden sleeps through the night, takes 2 hour naps everyday and its never a fight. I also don't believe I did any physiological damage by letting him cry for 15 minutes while he falls asleep. I think it's way more physiologically damaging for parents who don't get any sleep for two years. <br />
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5. I need more kid free time, get over it. This is actually the big one where all the guilt I feel is coming from myself and I'm still working on it. I need more reasons to take a shower and change out of my sweatpants. I need more time to be Sara instead of Mom. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I know it's probably a very normal way to feel, but it makes me feel really guilty! I'm still working on getting over it, but it's hard. I love Brayden and I love being his mom, but that doesn't mean I don't need a break now and then. It makes sense, so why does it make me feel so damn guilty?<br />
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If you are someone who breastfed for a year plus or picked up your baby every time he cried, don't feel like I'm saying that's wrong, because I'm not. Like I always say you have to do what works and feels right for you and your family. The point of this list is we need to stop being so judgemental of each other because in the end we all want the same thing, and that is for our children to be happy and healthy!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-50933682711261563732011-09-26T10:58:00.000-07:002011-09-26T10:58:11.384-07:00The Fight of the Finger NailI don't understand why cutting my 17 month old son's finger nails has to be such a battle. If he would just sit still and let me do it, it wouldn't even take five minutes. It was so nice when he was a little baby and would fall asleep in my lap and then I would cut his nails, ahhh lets all take a minute to remember those days. <br />
I think the most annoying thing about cutting nails is that his nails grow so fast that they need to be cut practically once a week. I mean seriously the kid is like wolverine when it comes to his nail growth. <br />
So let me paint the picture for you of how it goes when nail cutting time is upon us. The minute he sees the clippers he takes off to his hiding spot behind the couch. Our couch is a sectional that is about 2 feet from the wall, which makes a perfect fort for a toddler. The only problem is now that I happen to be 32 weeks pregnant I can't easily fit behind the couch to drag the little stinker out. <br />
When I finally manage to get him corralled onto my lap the waterworks start. He screams and struggles to break free. I usually get about two out of ten nails cut before he escapes and we start the whole process over again. Now keep in mind this is only for the finger nails, if I'm cutting his toe nails he will sit there like a little angel, go figure. <br />
I have no idea why he hates it so much. By some miracle I have never got his skin. I've tried turning on the TV and letting him hold his blanket. In last month's issue of Parent magazine there was an article on how to make the things your kids hate easier with these simple tricks. One of the things just so happened to be cutting finger nails. The author said when she cuts her child's finger nails she pretends like the nail hits her in the eye and it makes the kid laugh. Well I'm desperate and willing to give anything a try, so I tried it. Let's just say if it had worked I wouldn't currently be blogging about how much I hate cutting Brayden's finger nails. I am open for suggestions, but feel that there isn't much hope and it will continue to be a pain in my constantly growing arse!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-84905938679980905382011-09-08T11:09:00.000-07:002011-09-08T11:09:11.101-07:00Unwanted Belly TouchingSo I've heard lots of pregnant ladies talk about random people touching their belly. This was something I had never expericenced until recently. Nobody I didn't know ever touched my belly when I was pregnant with Brayden and it has only happened once this precnancy, but once is enough!<br />
I really can't wrap my mind around it. Why on earth would anyone think it's ok to touch someone they didn't know like that? I mean a belly, especially for a woman, is a private place, I think I would honestly be less offened if she had gave my boobies a little honk. I don't even like people I know touching my belly. I have had lots of friends all up on my belly and to be honest I'm not crazy about it, but it doesn't upset me. I will tell you this, give a pregnant lady some warning before you attack or wait for her to initiat the touching. The only people allowed to touch without warning are Eric and Brayden. But warning from Brayden would be nice since he is more of slapper than a toucher. <br />
Now to the crazies out their who find it acceptable to touch the bellies of pregnant women they do not know, what the hell is a matter with you? Seriously! It's weird and makes you look creepy, which lets face it, you probably are. And on that note, if I don't know you, don't touch my kid either. Listen I know he is irresitable with those big blue eyes and chubby cheeks, but hands off. I have accepted the fact that I can't go anywhere without having random people come up and talk to me and Brayden, it's annoying, but I have accepted it. I will never make the mistake of going to the walking trail without my headphones again. And for the record if I politly nod but keep walking when you try to talk to me, it means I'm not the least bit interested in what you have to say. Now when they touch him, it's a diffrent story and momma bear has to make an apperance. I don't know where your hands have been, and quite frankly I don't want to think about where your hands have been, so don't pat his head, tap his nose, or pat his shoulder. It really stresses me out when strangers touch Brayden! The rule is unless we know you, hands off!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-79147239135986997832011-08-21T18:58:00.000-07:002011-08-21T18:58:05.017-07:00Bert and Ernie's greatest adventure yet!So lately I have been seeing on facebook a lot about people wanting Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie get married. Some people are outraged at the thought of these two getting hitched others are outraged that Sesame Street is refusing to let it happen. I personally think the whole thing is pretty silly. I mean come they are puppets, oh excuse me Muppet's. I mean really, really you don't have anything better to protest or get upset about, really. <br />
Sure Bert and Ernie seem to have some gay tendencies. Come on Sesame Street you can say they aren't gay but maybe the lyrics in the theme song that go "every time the bed starts tapping, something specials gonna happen, Bert and Ernie's great adventure," While they fly off into the night on the same bed wasn't the best way to go if you don't want people speculating. On the other hand, is a show meant for toddlers really the best place to plug gay marriage, I mean come on it's called common sense people. Lets not take an innocent kids show and fill it with adult issues that their young brains won't even be able to comprehend, save it for the right audience. <br />
I will tell you the biggest issue I have with this whole thing is the fact that we are focused on outing Bert and Ernie when we really need to be outing Mr. Noodle for what he really is, a child molester. A grown man who is always outside Elmo's window just waiting to play with him? It's creepy, and quite frankly not ok. I don't think we should be sending the message that it's ok to play with the weird guy hanging around outside your window. Kids if you see Mr. Noodle or Mr. Noodle's brother Mr. Noodle run and tell your parents immediately and for the love of god don't play with him. You know that old perv has his windowless van parked right around the corner just waiting for the day Elmo decides to play outside, but nobody is concerned because we are all to busy planning or protesting Bert and Ernie's wedding. And where is Mr. Noodle's parole officer? You know that guy isn't supposed to be within 200 feet of Elmo or any other Muppet, somebody needs to call the cops so we can keep Sesame Street a safe place for all Muppet's! Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-32946770309899418432011-08-07T20:38:00.000-07:002011-08-08T06:33:51.414-07:00Go the F--- to SleepHave you guys seen this book? I know you probably have since it has been out for three months. I am not so current and just looked at it for the first time tonight. I had heard about it and finally though I guess I'll check it out. Here were my thoughts about it before I started looking at what everyone else had to say about it. 1. This book is pure genius! 2. There are going to be all sorts of parent and religious groups who get all bent out of shape about this. 3. Any parent out there who denies ever having this sort of inner monologue run through their head is a liar liar pants on fire. And finally 4. hahahahahahahahahahahaha!<br />
Well I started reading other peoples comments and posts about this book, and though many of us out there find it hilarious, I was right, some people just can't take a joke. One religious group in New Zealand tried to have the book banned for fear parents might think it's OK to read this book to their kids at bedtime. Really? That's your argument against the book? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if there are parents out there that think this is an appropriate book to read to their children, there are bigger issues to be worried about in that household. This is a book for adults not kids. Yes it looks like a children's book and is illustrated like a children's book but that is part of the reason adults find it so funny. <br />
One moms group claimed the book was offensive and they would never think those things about an innocent child. Like I said before, liar liar pants on fire. There is not one parent out there who hasn't at one point or another felt the very strong urge to tell their child to go the f--- to sleep or something to that effect. I think the need to lie about feeling that way comes from a place of guilt. As a parent, especially a mom, we can feel guilty about having those feelings towards our child who we love so much and would do anything for. It makes us feel as the book so delicately puts it like "shitty ass parents."<br />
That is what makes the book so brilliant. This author has the guts to step up and say hey sometimes when I am reading my child a story for the 50th time in my head I am thinking go the f--- to sleep! I think it's great, now other parents can read this book and think thank god I'm not the only one who feels that way sometimes. He is taking one of those parenting moments in which you feel like curling up into the fetal position while crying and turning it something to laugh about. Sometimes in life you can either laugh or cry and it's OK to laugh at ourselves. We are only human after all and we all make mistakes, even moms, well maybe especially moms. I think as women sometimes we put these unrealistic expectations on ourselves to be these perfect super moms and then beat ourselves up when we fall short. <br />
I read an interview with the author of this book and when asked why he thought some people were so upset over the book I think he hit the nail right on the head. He said, "As much as there's a conversation about parenting in this culture, it's very much about appearances." Wow! He is so right. I guess that is why parenting groups are always so quick to jump all over anything they don't agree with, they want to keep up the appearance of being perfect parents. Well there is no such thing as a perfect parent. We as moms have a tendency to constantly judge each other when it comes to the way we choose parents. I mean look at all the different parenting styles out there babies on schedules vs. no schedule, cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers, breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, crib sleeping vs. co-sleeping. We all think are way is the "right" way, that's why we do it. We all just want whats best for our children. In the end I think that the "right" way is to just give our children the love, support, and guidance they need, do the best job that we can and hope our kids grow up to be a little less messed up than we are. <br />
If you haven't read go the f--- to sleep I strongly suggest that you do, even if your not a parent. You can download and read it for free. If you've read it and found it offensive my advice would be to lighten up and take it for what it is, a funny book meant for adults. If you read it and found it hilarious all I can say is I know right, genius! And remember when it's 2 am and your kid is still awake don't really tell him to go the f--- to sleep, but feel free to think it!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/56gdg2ntfwM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-60588671252665582282011-08-05T10:08:00.000-07:002011-08-05T10:08:20.479-07:001st pregnancy vs. 2nd pregnancyThe worries I am having during my second pregnancy are completely different from the ones I had with my first. When I was pregnant with Brayden, I was worried about everything. I was scared to take a bath because I was positive that no matter how luke warm the water was, it was to hot. I have a Jacuzzi tub, and was convinced that turning on the jets was going to shake Brayden around so much that he would end up with brain damage.<br />
This time around I don't worry near as much about that kind of stuff. I think it is pretty common for moms to chill out after their first pregnancy. Like this time around if I wake up on my back I simply roll over and go back to sleep; last time if I woke up on my back I would get all stressed that I had cut off my baby's circulation and he was in there all thrashing around. There is only one thing I have been really worried about with this pregnancy, but it is a big thing. I am so scared that we are going to have to go back to the NICU. <br />
I don't think I can handle going through that again, the thought of it keeps me up at night. I wish my biggest worry was that I was drinking the recommended 80 ounces of fluids a day, I mean come on, 80 ounces, does any really drink that much water everyday? But this fear is so much more real. I think the biggest reason it's so scary is because it's a completely rational fear. Lets face it, pregnant women are not the most rational group of people around. But going through what we went through with Brayden was so real and so hard and so scary.<br />
I know this is something that I have no control over, which actually makes it even more scary, but I can't help but worry about it. The NICU is the most depressing place I have ever been. All of those sick babies and devastated parents. There is no worse feeling than seeing your 1 day old baby lying in a mini hospital bed with a ventilator shoved down his throat. I have said it before and I will say it again, we are so thankful that we got to bring our happy, healthy baby boy home after 9 days because not all babies get to go home. For us it is nothing but a bad memory, a really bad memory that could end up repeating itself. Only this time we wouldn't be able to drop everything and spend 9 days at the hospital because we have another kid at home who also needs us. STRESSFUL! <br />
I hate to be such a downer, but lately I have been thinking about this a lot. Well I guess there is no reason to get all worked up about something that is completely out of my control, all I can do is hope for the best.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-71558723067874088762011-07-26T04:56:00.000-07:002011-07-26T04:56:42.106-07:00SAHM: A Dying Breed?There are a lot of different people out there with a lot of different opinions about stay at home moms (SAHM). There are some women who are SAHM's and love it, while other SAHM's don't like it. Some women want to be at home but can't, while others don't stay home and don't want to. <br />
I fall into the category of a SAHM who loves it, most of the time. It is hard work! And don't ever let anyone tell you it isn't. I hate when people make the comment that I don't work. Um excuse me, you don't think I work? Well I have news for you, I work my ass off. <br />
If you think about it, SAHM's are always at work. We don't get to leave the office at the end of a long day and come home, home is our office. A day in the life of a stay at home mom can bring all sorts of different emotions; happy, lonely, overwhelmed, bored, thankful, stressed, stir crazy and that's all before lunch. <br />
I am thankful to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes Brayden will do something so incredibly cute that I think I am so glad I got to see him do that and not just hear about it from someone else. On the flip side of that though, is the times when I am thinking when is this kids parents coming to pick him up.<br />
I thought that all of my experience working with kids in a daycare setting would somewhat prepare me to be a stay at home mom, something I have always wanted to be, but it is so unbelievable different. Sometimes people say to me "I don't think I could ever stay at home with my kids, I would go cray." Well this is my response to that; it's not for everyone. It really does have to me something you want to do. I mean this isn't 1950 I am not at home because I have to be, I am at home because I choose to be. Which is what the woman's movement was all about right, our rights. And you can bet your ass that my husband doesn't come home and prop his feet up while I fix dinner and continue to take care of the kids, his ass helps out. <br />
So are SAHMs a dying breed? I don't really know. It still seams like there are a lot of us, but I might just think that because pretty much the only people I see during the weekdays are other SAHMs. I do know this, the good definitely out weighs the bad when it comes to being a stay at home mom. There are times when I want to assume the fetal position while rocking back and forth, but then Brayden will come over and give me a big sloppy, opened mouth kiss (because for some reason kids his age always kiss with their mouths open) and it's all worth it.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-304160536245212682011-07-23T08:58:00.000-07:002011-07-23T08:58:09.909-07:00I paid good money for that crib, so use it!I know there are a lot of people out there with mixed feelings about having your kids sleep in bed with you. I think that each family needs to do whatever works for them. That being said, I don't like Brayden sleeping in bed with us at all. <br />
First of all, I never sleep well if he is in bed with us. When he was a little baby I was so paranoid that he was going to get smooshed. Now that he's bigger I'm not so much worried about that, but he is just super hard to sleep with. Last night the poor little guy wasn't feeling well and kept waking up so we brought him into bed with us. I love him, I love him so much, but when it's 2:00am and I am getting kicked in the face all I want to do is push him out of the bed. So I took him back to his room and rocked him for about 45 minutes which is way better than having him in our bed. <br />
The second reason I don't like having him in bed with us is that its my child free time. I am with him all day everyday. I am so thankful to be able to be a stay at home mom, but when it's bed time I am ready for him to go to bed! I need that time to unwind and get ready for the next day. If he is in bed with us that means we are literally together 24/7. Now, I understand that motherhood is a 24/7 job and I don't mind being on call but that doesn't mean I want to be in the office 24/7, if you know what I mean. <br />
I just gotta say that I don't think my kids would have ended up being 19 months apart if we shared a bed with Brayden. Now I know for some people that is a good reason to have your kids sleep in bed with you, but that is a whole other topic. Sometimes Mommies and Daddies need mommy and daddy time, and if your kids are in bed with you I don't know when that's gonna happen. <br />
Like I said I don't think there is one set way that people should parent. Every parent needs to do what is best for their family and whatever makes them comfortable. But in this family the bed is a kid free zone!Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-39581572706729415962011-07-22T09:55:00.000-07:002011-07-22T09:55:48.704-07:00Another Baby, Oh BoyI think it's a good thing we got pregnant again when Brayden was 10 months old, because if we were talking about getting pregnant right now I think my feeling would be hell no! Back in February I remember telling my husband we can take care of two babies easily and he naively agreed. Now Brayden is 15 months old and a hand full. The biggest difference is he is a walker, no scratch that, runner now. I didn't realize that him walking was going to be such a huge difference than him crawling. I guess I just figured mobile was mobile, I was wrong. <br />
He is bombing around now like a bat out of hell. He is all over the place and into everything. Not to mention the climbing. Last night he tried to climb over the back of the couch and this was after he had successfully climbed on top of the coffee table. He is running all over the place and my pregnant butt is struggling to keep up after him. He sure is a fast little bugger, or I am a slow big bugger, either way the boy is wearing me out. <br />
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for the new baby to get here. I think about when Brayden was a newborn and how much work it was without a 19 month old tearing around the house. Like what about feeding time? When Brayden would nurse it took him a solid 45 minutes. I would sit in the recliner with my feet up, a boppy around my waist, and let him go to town. Now I am thinking what is Brayden going to be doing for those 45 minutes? Yikes! <br />
Another thing I worry about is the lack of sleep that comes any time a new baby is in the house. You know how everyone always says you have to sleep when the baby sleeps. Well that is a great strategy if you only have one baby, but what about this time around? I took naps every chance I got when Brayden was a baby, and was still exhausted. I can't sleep this time unless Brayden is also sleeping. Eric better watch out because I have a feeling I might be on the rampage! No sleep equals no patience. Well no patience for Eric, what patience I have will be used up on the kids. <br />
Can I just take a moment to say how weird it is for me to say when Brayden was a baby, which means he is no longer a baby. When did that happen? Well I don't know, but it is safe to say he isn't a baby anymore but a full blown toddler. Wow, what a mixture of emotions that realization brings! <br />
I know I will figure everything out once the new baby gets here, I mean people do it all the time. I think moms (and dads but defiantly more moms) always worry about bringing a new baby home whether its baby number one or number five. One things for sure I am going to try and soak up every moment because before I know it I will be blogging about how this new baby is tearing around like a wild man. Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-15078792461331663482011-07-12T10:37:00.000-07:002011-07-12T10:37:18.074-07:00Pregnant Again, you'll LiveThe first time I was pregnant I felt like everyone wanted to baby me. I have heard some women complain about this, they have the mind frame that they are pregnant not handicapped. I, on the other hand, enjoyed being babied. It was nice. All the let me get that for you and the why don't you sit down and let me take care of that. I would gladly sit down, put my swollen feet up and let them take care of that.<br />
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I am going to let all of you first time moms in on a little secret nobody ever told me; It's not like that the second time you're pregnant. Nobody cares. They care about the baby, of course. Everyone still wants to talk about your pregnancy and ask questions about the baby, but nobody is worried about the mom. All the let me help you turns into aren't you gonna get that. <br />
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Last time my darling husband would make me dinner while I took a much needed nap on the couch. This time my darling husband insists it's my turn to change Brayden's poopy diaper, even if it is indeed his turn. Speaking of Brayden, he doesn't care at all. Who knew a 15 month old would have no sympathy for his pregnant mommy :) All of the pregnancy websites and books talk about how fatigue goes away and your energy returns in the second trimester. Well I have decided they need to have a disclaimer saying WARNING: if you have other children your fatigue will last for the next three years. <br />
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I can't help but wonder if people start to care less and less with each pregnancy. I think of my poor mom. By the time she had my little brother, who was baby #5, she was probably out back chopping firewood. I also wonder what it's like for women who wait a significant amount of time in between baby's, does the sympathy come back? <br />
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Everyone has a bad case of the she has been there done that so she will be fine. I just want to go on record saying the second pregnancy is a lot harder than the first! Keeping up with Brayden while growing another human is exhausting. So if you see a pregnant mom in the store with a toddler in the cart and a 5 year old glued to her leg be nice to her, because if you're not there is a 99% chance she will attack you. Just kidding, kind of ;) Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-45443618913054996252011-03-23T04:33:00.000-07:002011-03-23T04:33:13.982-07:00Frumpy Mom syndromeHave you ever seen those moms out and about that look frumpy? I used to think really, really you can't brush your hair and throw on some jeans, but I now realise the answer is screw you! Frumpy mom syndrome defiantly gets worse with each new child. I can still pull it together most days because I only have Brayden. I will admit that my grooming routine now is nothing compared to my BB(before Brayden) routine. The other day I was shopping in target and saw my reflection and thought I can't believe I am out in public right now! I would NOT have gone out like that BB. But like I said I think it gets worse with each child you have. I believe the equation is something like this: 1 kid= occasional frumpieness, 2 kids= sweat pants, 3 kids=messy hair, 4 kids=stained shirt and 5+ kids= crazy lady! Sorry Mom, but 5 kids is crazy! <br />
I will say though, that I don't remember my Mom being frumpy when we were growing up. That's the good news, your kids don't care. Not until around Jr. high when you become super embarrassing, but lets be honest they are total brats by then so who cares. But right now, even as the frumpiest mom on the playground your kids think you are the most beautiful girl there, because your mom. They don't care how you look, just as long as you are doing all your mom duties. Which by the way is what causes the frumpiness in the first place, all the mom duties. That's the good news. The bad news however is that everybody else doesn't know whether to give you their spare change or pretend they don't notice you have on the same shirt as you did yesterday. <br />
Avoiding frumpy mom syndrome is hard work, and I think for some moms, quit frankly, it's just not worth the effort. But it's worth the effort to me. I am nervous for whenever baby number 2 decides to come along (see above equation if you don't remember why). I do know there is hope! Because the good, if not slightly annoying, thing is I see a lot of hot mommas strutting there stuff while pushing a double stroller threw the mall. If your are a hot mom who is reading this, good for you! If you are a frumpy mom who is reading this, remember the only thing that really matters is that you are a GOOD mom! And finally if you are not a mom and reading this, if you see a frumpy mom out and about don't judge her, she is working hard! <br />
This post has been brought to you by Sara Fagley: fighting frumpy Mom Syndrome since 2010.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-63826350398348151572011-02-11T14:26:00.000-08:002011-02-11T14:26:47.966-08:00Brayden's Story<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> I am not trying to be a debbie downer here, but these last couple of days I have started forming my team and taking donations for this years March for Babies AKA March of Dimes. I have always be involved with March for Babies, but this year, and from now on, my passion is and will be much much greater. This is because of my own personal experience and what happened in the nine days after Brayden was born. I have just been thinking about it so much this week since I have been getting ready for this years march. So I have decieded to share our story, which is not an easy thing for me to share but if can inspire someone to get involved with this cause than it is totally worth it! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I could see that her lips were moving and I knew I should focus on what she was saying, but there was so much commotion in the room. I just nodded my head in response. Having just given birth to my first child, the nurse was probably just telling me he is wonderful. Then they took him.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Wait! What? Where are they taking my baby? I looked to my husband for comfort only to find him visibly shaken and upset. Panic set in. There was something wrong with my baby.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Brayden was born three weeks early and was in respiratory distress. He was taken to the special care nursery and started on oxygen right after he was born. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The next time I saw Brayden he had what my husband, Eric, referred to as his space helmet covering his face and feeding him oxygen. He was hooked up to all sorts of different monitors and IV’s.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We had taken all the classes, read all the books, and listened to everyone’s stories but nothing could have prepared me to see my sweet baby struggling.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In the morning the pediatrician informed us that Brayden wasn’t getting any better and needed to be transferred to the NICU at Children’s <place><placetype>Hospital</placetype> of <placename>Pittsburgh</placename></place>. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s common knowledge that this sort of thing happens all the time. Most people know someone who has experienced it first hand. Maybe I was naïve, but it honestly never crossed my mind that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my</i> baby wouldn’t be born healthy. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I’m in my mid 20’s, healthy, and didn’t have any major complications during pregnancy. Yet there I was, tears streaming relentlessly down my checks, trying to comprehend what the doctor was explaining. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We got to hold Brayden before he was transferred to Children’s. As I held him in my arms I could feel his little chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, even with the oxygen he was working so hard to breath.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I embraced my day old baby and was overcome with emotions. The fear that he wasn’t going to be ok, grief that he had to spend time in the NICU, anger that this was happening, sadness that he was hurting, and guilt that I couldn’t do anything to help him. Then they took him, again.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Shortly after Brayden was taken in the ambulance Eric left so he could be with him at Children’s. I hadn’t been discharged from St. Clair hospital yet so I had to stay with nothing but my agony to keep my company. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Throughout my pregnancy I had played the scenario of us leaving the hospital in my head. It just seemed like such a memorable moment. The Mommy holds their precious new baby gently in her arms as the Daddy pushes them out to the car in a wheelchair. The new parents are a little scared, but mostly excited as they load baby up for the first time in his brand new car seat. Then drive off into the sunset to start their new life as a happy family. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">My reality of leaving the hospital turned out to be absolutely nothing like the charming scenario I had envisioned over the last nine months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The nurse pushed my wheelchair and there was no baby in my arms or Daddy by my side. All I had to hold was a picture of my sick little boy that was given to me before he was transferred to the NICU. I clung to my picture while tears once again gushed uncontrollably from my eyes. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Eric was coming to pick me up, but when we got to the parking lot he hadn’t arrived yet. The nurse helped me onto a nearby bench and went back inside. There I sat all alone and all I kept thinking over and over was it’s not supposed to be like this. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">When we arrived at Children’s hospital Brayden had been put on a ventilator, meaning there was a tube down his throat. I was not expecting that so, needless to say, my emotional state did not improve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">He had been sedated before the tube was inserted, so for the rest of the day and all of the night he slept, we did not. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The next morning he opened his beautiful blue eyes and we just stared at each other. It was the first time since he had been born that I felt a sliver of hope, although we still had a hard road ahead. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">While Brayden was on the ventilator he sometimes would cry, but without sound. It was like watching a baby cry on TV with the volume muted. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except this wasn’t a baby on TV, it was my baby and there was nothing I could do to help him. I would sit next to his bed and cry with him. I felt like he was thinking Mommy why won’t you pick me up, please pick me up. I couldn’t pick him up. It was heartbreaking and I have never felt so powerless. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">After three long days and a dose of surfactant it was time to take out the tube. If all went well we could potentially be going home the next day. Our spirits were high. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">After the tube was removed Brayden did really well for about 30 minutes. Then his oxygen levels started to drop and he had to be put back on oxygen. I was devastated, borderline hysterical. The doctors and nurses reassured us that this was normal. It was too much of a shock to his system to abruptly stop being on oxygen since he had literally been on oxygen since he was born. He just needed to be gradually weaned from the oxygen, which could take awhile. I did not feel reassured. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The weaning process was not going well. I was trying, without success, to mentally prepare because we might not get to go home any time soon. My mental preparation process wasn’t going any better than the weaning process. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Then we were blessed with Nurse Becky. The majority of our nurses and doctors were phenomenal, but I owe my sanity to Nurse Becky. She had Brayden weaned off oxygen in two days. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Now Brayden just had to be observed for 48 hours to make sure he would do ok off the oxygen. Finally we felt like there was an end in sight, that we might actually get to go home soon.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Brayden was doing great and I was starting to regain a little composure, not a lot, but it was a start. We were still in the NICU but at least now we could hold him! His 48 hour observation period was coming to and end. He just needed to pass the car seat test and then we could go home. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The car seat test was simple. He needed to sit in his car seat for 90 minutes without any problems. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Brayden was in his car seat and sleeping so we decided to get something to eat while we waited. We were elated while we ate lunch. All Eric and I could talk about was how excited we were to finally be going home. As we walked back to Brayden’s room I realized that an hour had already passed. 30 more minutes until we could put this nightmare behind us and go home with our baby. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">We got back to his room and found Brayden back in his bed which was strange because his 90 minutes weren’t up yet. Eric went and found the nurse who informed us Brayden failed the car seat test. He was unable to breath properly for the whole 90 minutes. We would have to stay another night and try again in the morning. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The little bit of composure I had regained was gone. I was so emotionally, physically, and mentally drained that all that remained now was hopelessness. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The nightmare was not over; I didn’t think it would ever be over. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t wake up from this horrible dream. All I wanted to do was take my baby home, but I wasn’t sure if that was ever going to happen. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">The next morning the nurse came to try the car seat test again. I was not hopeful. This time we stayed in the room with Brayden. Eric nervously watched the clock while I watched the monitors, waiting for them to beep in alarm when his oxygen levels dropped. They never beeped. The nurse came back smiling and told us she was getting our discharge papers ready. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">I felt the hopelessness slowly start to melt away, but I was cautious not to get to eager. I didn’t think I could handle having the chance to go home dangled in my face only to get ripped away yet again. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It wasn’t until we were physically out of the hospital and in the car that the tears started again. Only this time they were tears of relief. We may have gotten off to a rocky start and nothing went like I had pictured but we were finally able to drive off into the sunset and start our new life as a happy, healthy family.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Being in the NICU was a life changing experience. It was very hard to "get over" to be honest I don't know if I will ever "get over" it. Not just because of what happened with Brayden. In fact I feel very blessed because Brayden is a healthy boy and has no kind of health problems asscoiated with being born in respiratory distress. All it is now is just a bad memory that we had to move past. The reason I say it was life changing is because of the other babies that were in the NICU. To be honest Brayden was probably in the best condition of all the babies there. Any of the other familes would have loved to been in our shoes. All the babies there were so sick and some of them had been there for months. I could hardly survive 9 days..just try to imagine months. Even worse is some of those babies never get to go home. I will never foget seeing those tiny babies lying in hospital beds struggling for their lives. It just doesn't seem fair. March for Babies is a way we can do something about it. A way for us to reach out and help all of those babies and their familes. Please join me by making a donation or signing up to walk with me and maybe someday we can live in a world where all babies are born healthy. Go to <a href="http://www.marchforbabies.org/">http://www.marchforbabies.org/</a> to join the cause. My team name is Team Fagley. </div>Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-84977828999189411682011-01-19T09:55:00.000-08:002011-07-23T09:07:03.385-07:00This Moms take on Teen Mom 2I have been hooked on 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom since the beginning. I am so captivated by these young girls and their lives. Being a new mom is hard, I can't imagine doing it as a teenager. When I think about how I was as a teenager, and then how hard raising a baby is...the two just don't mix well at all! <br />
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This new season, Teen Mom 2, so far has been even better than the first Teen Mom, I think anyways. Leah, Cory and the twins melt my heart. I was bawling last night when they found out something is wrong with one of their girls. I know what it's like to not know if your baby is going to be OK, and it is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. You feel so helpless and you just get swallowed up in this never ending pit of despair. Poor baby! I hope she is OK, it's heartbreaking to see innocent little baby's suffer. <br />
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Someone said to me the other day (because I talk about Teen Mom literally every chance I get) That Janelle is going to be this season's Amber. I agreed at first, but not any more. Amber was just so hard to like and that made it hard to feel for her. She was just such a biatch all the time. Janelle, on the other hand, has moments when I just want to reach out and give her a hug. Yes she is irresponsible, yes she makes bad choices, yes so far she hasn't been a very good mom, but there is just something about her that I find enduring. Her mom is doing the right thing by getting custody of Jace because she is raising him, and Janelle needs a big reality check. <br />
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So far I haven't gotten too wrapped up with the other two girls stories, but I have a feeling I will have A LOT to say about Chelsea getting back together with that loser! When I watched her 16 and Pregnant episode and he called her a fat stretch marked bitch, I lost it! How dare he, he is dead to me. From one fat stretch marked bitch to another, she needs to kick his ass to the curb forever. He hasn't changed, don't be stupid. I know before the season is over he will once again show his true asshole colors.<br />
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People talk about how these shows make Teen pregnancy glamours, but I strongly disagree. The people saying that have obviously never watched the show. If I was still 16 and watched these two shows, it would scare the crap out of me. These girls lives are anything but glamours. The reason I think this show is so good is because it is heartbreakingly real. I think it is good for teens to see how hard and how much of a struggle it really is to have kids at that age. People argue, well some girls might get pregnant just for a chance to be on the show. Well here is the reality: There has always been teen pregnancy, there always will be teen pregnancy and shining a light on the issue will ultimately help, not hurt the situation.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-55012158130896977112010-12-16T09:26:00.000-08:002010-12-16T09:26:30.077-08:00Props to Single Moms (and Dads) EverywhereI have alot of respect for single moms. Being a mom is a hard job. I couldn't imagaine doing it with out the support of my husband. If I run errands during the day, while Eric is at work, it wears me out. You have to make sure the diaper is clean, put on coats and hats, make sure the diaper bag is packed with everything you could need for any possible situation that might arise. Then you have to load the car up with all these things. First cram a squirming baby into the carseat, then load all the crap (i.e. diaper bag, stroller, toys, etc.). I do all this before I put on my shoes. Cause have you ever tried to put on shoes while holding a baby, doesn't work out so well. Every thing is loaded in the car, I have run back inside and got my shoes on, so finally we are ready to drive to the store (or where ever we may be going that day). <br />
We get to the store, then the unloading proccess begins. Get the stroller out of the trunk, get the baby out of the carseat and into the stroller, smush the diaper bag into the small basket on the bottom of the stroller. Are ya still with me? Good, because we are ready to venture into the store. Inside everyone and their mother wants to talk to you. Which is fine but sometimes people say the caziest things, and I know from personal experience, 9 times out of 10, its the cazies that want to talk. Most people just smile and say "oh what a cute baby," Not the cazies, they want conversation. Like the other day I had a woman come up to me in kmart and say "your baby is actually really beautiful, this is the first time in awhile I have seen a truely pretty baby." What? What kind of a thing is that to say. Like how could these other parents have the edacity to parade their ugly babies around kmart. Here is what I do in this type of situation; Smile, nod, and pick up the pace to get Brayden the H away from the crazies.<br />
Anyway, so we manage accomplish what ever task we set out to achieve. Fingers crossed, without a melt down in the store, by either me or Brayden. Come on Moms don't pretend like it is only our kids who have the ability to melt down in public!<br />
Now it is time to reload the car with the same crap, plus any new crap we may have picked up during the outing. By now I am sure you are catching on to the drill. Get the baby back in the carseat, get the stroller folded and back in the trunk, yayda yayd. Drive home and unload, you guessed it, all the same crap. First take baby inside and get him settled, then back out to the car for at least on more trip, depending on how much new crap you have accumulated.<br />
I gotta tell you I am exsausted and ready for a nap just writing about taking an outing so you can imagine how it can wear a person out. The point of this little rambling is when Eric is with us, all of a sudden it becomes 10 times easier. So for moms and dads (gotta give love to the single dads too!) who always have to do everything by themselves I give you props. You don't have an easy job. There are some days that I am staring at the clock waiting for Eric to get home so I can take a much needed break. Or on the weekends when I get a little extra sleep. <br />
I am greatful for my husband. I might give him a hard time occasionally but he is wonderful (90% of the time). He has been my best friend and support system since I was 17. I know, I know, but honestly if it wasn't for him I don't know where I would be right now. Probably passed out drunk in a ditch. But like they say life is a two way street, so if it wasn't for me he would probably also be passed out drunk in a ditch. Hey maybe even the same ditch as me...I guess when it's meant to be it's meant to be.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5592692033539456250.post-14558197544212564942010-11-30T09:34:00.000-08:002010-11-30T09:34:04.079-08:00From smokin hott to not so hottIf you would have asked me 17 months ago to describe myself I would have told you I was one hott piece of ass. Well I probably would have said something more PC (unless I had been drinking) but I was confident. I have always had high self esteem and felt pretty good about myself. Then I got pregnant. During my pregnancy I gained 75 pounds. Granted alot of that was water weight, but still I was the size of a small, well scratch that, more like medium sized house. I didn't care about my looks so much when I was pregnant because I was pregnant and to busy being uncomfortable to worry about anything else. Then I had my beautiful baby boy, Brayden. I love him so much and he is so amazing and I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. But I did trade something for him...my smokin hottness. <br />
It has been hard for me to come to terms with my new body. Most of the weight has come off pretty easily except the last 15 lbs. Which have been extremly stubborn. But worse than the weight are the STRECH MARKS!!!! Ugh I was so hopping I wouldn't get them. As does every women who has ever gotten pregnant in the history of the world! If you were one of the unlucky ones to get strech marks like me, let me tell ya I feel your pain! If you were one of the lucky ones who didn't get strech marks F you! Sorry I know thats rude but they are seriously that bad. At least with the weight I know with hard work I can get it off (yeah trust me I know thats easier said than done!) but there is not a damn thing you can do about strech marks except rub cream on them, that doesn't really work by the way.<br />
Another new feature of my body that has been hard to come to terms with is the pooch. You mommies know what I am talking about. The way your lower stomach kinda wrinkles up and pooches away from the rest of your bobdy. Let me tell ya about how sexy that is! Not sexy at all.<br />
Its sucks getting dressed these days. I have a whole closet full of super cute clothes that I can't wear. That I will probably never wear again even if I do manage some day to get my hott bod back. Because they were my "going out clothes" and the only place I am "going out" too now days is Mommy and me class. I probably wouldn't be very popular if I showed up one Wednesday in a tank top that showed enough cleveage to make Katy Perry blush!<br />
The one thing about clothes is with the right outfit I can trick people into thinking I just might look pretty good under all that fabric. If you can find tops that are tight in the good places and baggy in the bad places you can make it work. Naked on the other hand is a completely diffrent story. There is no fooling anyone when you are buck naked staring into a mirror. All I can say is thank god for the dark and the fact that my husband can't see that great without his glasses!<br />
At the end of the day I love being a mom! It is the best job in the world, truely. And giving up my hottness was a small price to pay in order to have my son. But that being said it doesn't mean that sometimes I long for my hott bod back. I haven't completely given up hope yet and sometimes if I stumble into some good lighting I can still catch a glips of that hottie smilling at me in encouragment.Sarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12665771026297619723noreply@blogger.com2