I paid good money for that crib, so use it!

I know there are a lot of people out there with mixed feelings about having your kids sleep in bed with you. I think that each family needs to do whatever works for them. That being said, I don't like Brayden sleeping in bed with us at all.
First of all, I never sleep well if he is in bed with us. When he was a little baby I was so paranoid that he was going to get smooshed. Now that he's bigger I'm not so much worried about that, but he is just super hard to sleep with.  Last night the poor little guy wasn't feeling well and kept waking up so we brought him into bed with us. I love him, I love him so much, but when it's 2:00am and I am getting kicked in the face all I want to do is push him out of the bed. So I took him back to his room and rocked him for about 45 minutes which is way better than having him in our bed.
The second reason I don't like having him in bed with us is that its my child free time. I am with him all day everyday. I am so thankful to be able to be a stay at home mom, but when it's bed time I am ready for him to go to bed! I need that time to unwind and get ready for the next day. If he is in bed with us that means we are literally together 24/7. Now, I understand that motherhood is a 24/7 job and I don't mind being on call but that doesn't mean I want to be in the office 24/7, if you know what I mean.
I just gotta say that I don't think my kids would have ended up being 19 months apart if we shared a bed with Brayden. Now I know for some people that is a good reason to have your kids sleep in bed with you, but that is a whole other topic. Sometimes Mommies and Daddies need mommy and daddy time, and if your kids are in bed with you I don't know when that's gonna happen.
Like I said I don't think there is one set way that people should parent. Every parent needs to do what is best for their family and whatever makes them comfortable. But in this family the bed is a kid free zone!

Another Baby, Oh Boy

I think it's a good thing we got pregnant again when Brayden was 10 months old, because if we were talking about getting pregnant right now I think my feeling would be hell no! Back in February I remember telling my husband we can take care of two babies easily and he naively agreed. Now Brayden is 15 months old and a hand full. The biggest difference is he is a walker, no scratch that, runner now. I didn't realize that him walking was going to be such a huge difference than him crawling. I guess I just figured mobile was mobile, I was wrong.
He is bombing around now like a bat out of hell. He is all over the place and into everything. Not to mention the climbing. Last night he tried to climb over the back of the couch and this was after he had successfully climbed on top of the coffee table. He is running all over the place and my pregnant butt is struggling to keep up after him. He sure is a fast little bugger, or I am a slow big bugger, either way the boy is wearing me out.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for the new baby to get here. I think about when Brayden was a newborn and how much work it was without a 19 month old tearing around the house. Like what about feeding time? When Brayden would nurse it took him a solid 45 minutes. I would sit in the recliner with my feet up, a boppy around my waist, and let him go to town. Now I am thinking what is Brayden going to be doing for those 45 minutes? Yikes!
Another thing I worry about is the lack of sleep that comes any time a new baby is in the house. You know how everyone always says you have to sleep when the baby sleeps. Well that is a great strategy if you only have one baby, but what about this time around? I took naps every chance I got when Brayden was a baby, and was still exhausted. I can't sleep this time unless Brayden is also sleeping. Eric better watch out because I have a feeling I might be on the rampage! No sleep equals no patience. Well no patience for Eric, what patience I have will be used up on the kids.
Can I just take a moment to say how weird it is for me to say when Brayden was a baby, which means he is no longer a baby. When did that happen? Well I don't know, but it is safe to say he isn't a baby anymore but a full blown toddler. Wow, what a mixture of emotions that realization brings!
I know I will figure everything out once the new baby gets here, I mean people do it all the time. I think moms (and dads but defiantly more moms) always worry about bringing a new baby home whether its baby number one or number five. One things for sure I am going to try and soak up every moment because before I know it I will be blogging about how this new baby is tearing around like a wild man.  

Pregnant Again, you'll Live

The first time I was pregnant I felt like everyone wanted to baby me. I have heard some women complain about this, they have the mind frame that they are pregnant not handicapped. I, on the other hand, enjoyed being babied. It was nice. All the let me get that for you and the why don't you sit down and let me take care of that. I would gladly sit down, put my swollen feet up and let them take care of that.

I am going to let all of you first time moms in on a little secret nobody ever told me; It's not like that the second time you're pregnant. Nobody cares. They care about the baby, of course. Everyone still wants to talk about your pregnancy and ask questions about the baby, but nobody is worried about the mom. All the let me help you turns into aren't you gonna get that.

Last time my darling husband would make me dinner while I took a much needed nap on the couch. This time my darling husband insists it's my turn to change Brayden's poopy diaper, even if it is indeed his turn. Speaking of Brayden, he doesn't care at all. Who knew a 15 month old would have no sympathy for his pregnant mommy :) All of the pregnancy websites and books talk about how fatigue goes away and your energy returns in the second trimester. Well I have decided they need to have a disclaimer saying WARNING: if you have other children your fatigue will last for the next three years.

I can't help but wonder if people start to care less and less with each pregnancy. I think of my poor mom. By the time she had my little brother, who was baby #5, she was probably out back chopping firewood. I also wonder what it's like for women who wait a significant amount of time in between baby's, does the sympathy come back?

Everyone has a bad case of the she has been there done that so she will be fine. I just want to go on record saying the second pregnancy is a lot harder than the first! Keeping up with Brayden while growing another human is exhausting. So if you see a pregnant mom in the store with a toddler in the cart and a 5 year old glued to her leg be nice to her, because if you're not there is a 99% chance she will attack you. Just kidding, kind of ;)    

Frumpy Mom syndrome

Have you ever seen those moms out and about that look frumpy? I used to think really, really you can't brush your hair and throw on some jeans, but I now realise the answer is screw you! Frumpy mom syndrome defiantly gets worse with each new child. I can still pull it together most days because I only have Brayden. I will admit that my grooming routine now is nothing compared to my BB(before Brayden) routine. The other day I was shopping in target and saw my reflection and thought I can't believe I am out in public right now! I would NOT have gone out like that BB. But like I said I think it gets worse with each child you have. I believe the equation is something like this: 1 kid= occasional frumpieness, 2 kids= sweat pants, 3 kids=messy hair, 4 kids=stained shirt and 5+ kids= crazy lady! Sorry Mom, but 5 kids is crazy!
I will say though, that I don't remember my Mom being frumpy when we were growing up. That's the good news, your kids don't care. Not until around Jr. high when you become super embarrassing, but lets be honest they are total brats by then so who cares. But right now, even as the frumpiest mom on the playground your kids think you are the most beautiful girl there, because your mom. They don't care how you look, just as long as you are doing all your mom duties. Which by the way is what causes the frumpiness in the first place, all the mom duties.  That's the good news. The bad news however is that everybody else doesn't know whether to give you their spare change or pretend they don't notice you have on the same shirt as you did yesterday.
Avoiding frumpy mom syndrome is hard work, and I think for some moms, quit frankly, it's just not worth the effort. But it's worth the effort to me. I am nervous for whenever baby number 2 decides to come along (see above equation if you don't remember why). I do know there is hope! Because the good, if not slightly annoying, thing is I see a lot of hot mommas strutting there stuff while pushing a double stroller threw the mall. If your are a hot mom who is reading this, good for you! If you are a frumpy mom who is reading this, remember the only thing that really matters is that you are a GOOD mom! And finally if you are not a mom and reading this, if you see a frumpy mom out and about don't judge her, she is working hard!
This post has been brought to you by Sara Fagley: fighting frumpy Mom Syndrome since 2010.

Brayden's Story

          I am not trying to be a debbie downer here, but these last couple of days I have started forming my team and taking donations for this years March for Babies AKA March of Dimes. I have always be involved with March for Babies, but this year, and from now on, my passion is and will be much much greater. This is because of my own personal experience and what happened in the nine days after Brayden was born. I have just been thinking about it so much this week since I have been getting ready for this years march. So I have decieded to share our story, which is not an easy thing for me to share but if can inspire someone to get involved with this cause than it is totally worth it!  

            I could see that her lips were moving and I knew I should focus on what she was saying, but there was so much commotion in the room. I just nodded my head in response. Having just given birth to my first child, the nurse was probably just telling me he is wonderful. Then they took him.

            Wait! What? Where are they taking my baby? I looked to my husband for comfort only to find him visibly shaken and upset. Panic set in. There was something wrong with my baby.

            Brayden was born three weeks early and was in respiratory distress. He was taken to the special care nursery and started on oxygen right after he was born.

The next time I saw Brayden he had what my husband, Eric, referred to as his space helmet covering his face and feeding him oxygen. He was hooked up to all sorts of different monitors and IV’s.

            We had taken all the classes, read all the books, and listened to everyone’s stories but nothing could have prepared me to see my sweet baby struggling.

            In the morning the pediatrician informed us that Brayden wasn’t getting any better and needed to be transferred to the NICU at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

            It’s common knowledge that this sort of thing happens all the time. Most people know someone who has experienced it first hand. Maybe I was naïve, but it honestly never crossed my mind that my baby wouldn’t be born healthy.

            I’m in my mid 20’s, healthy, and didn’t have any major complications during pregnancy. Yet there I was, tears streaming relentlessly down my checks, trying to comprehend what the doctor was explaining.

            We got to hold Brayden before he was transferred to Children’s. As I held him in my arms I could feel his little chest rising and falling at a rapid pace, even with the oxygen he was working so hard to breath.

 I embraced my day old baby and was overcome with emotions. The fear that he wasn’t going to be ok, grief that he had to spend time in the NICU, anger that this was happening, sadness that he was hurting, and guilt that I couldn’t do anything to help him. Then they took him, again.

Shortly after Brayden was taken in the ambulance Eric left so he could be with him at Children’s. I hadn’t been discharged from St. Clair hospital yet so I had to stay with nothing but my agony to keep my company.

            Throughout my pregnancy I had played the scenario of us leaving the hospital in my head. It just seemed like such a memorable moment. The Mommy holds their precious new baby gently in her arms as the Daddy pushes them out to the car in a wheelchair. The new parents are a little scared, but mostly excited as they load baby up for the first time in his brand new car seat. Then drive off into the sunset to start their new life as a happy family.

My reality of leaving the hospital turned out to be absolutely nothing like the charming scenario I had envisioned over the last nine months.  The nurse pushed my wheelchair and there was no baby in my arms or Daddy by my side. All I had to hold was a picture of my sick little boy that was given to me before he was transferred to the NICU. I clung to my picture while tears once again gushed uncontrollably from my eyes.

Eric was coming to pick me up, but when we got to the parking lot he hadn’t arrived yet. The nurse helped me onto a nearby bench and went back inside. There I sat all alone and all I kept thinking over and over was it’s not supposed to be like this.

When we arrived at Children’s hospital Brayden had been put on a ventilator, meaning there was a tube down his throat. I was not expecting that so, needless to say, my emotional state did not improve. 

He had been sedated before the tube was inserted, so for the rest of the day and all of the night he slept, we did not.

The next morning he opened his beautiful blue eyes and we just stared at each other. It was the first time since he had been born that I felt a sliver of hope, although we still had a hard road ahead.

While Brayden was on the ventilator he sometimes would cry, but without sound. It was like watching a baby cry on TV with the volume muted.  Except this wasn’t a baby on TV, it was my baby and there was nothing I could do to help him. I would sit next to his bed and cry with him. I felt like he was thinking Mommy why won’t you pick me up, please pick me up. I couldn’t pick him up. It was heartbreaking and I have never felt so powerless.

After three long days and a dose of surfactant it was time to take out the tube. If all went well we could potentially be going home the next day. Our spirits were high.

After the tube was removed Brayden did really well for about 30 minutes. Then his oxygen levels started to drop and he had to be put back on oxygen. I was devastated, borderline hysterical. The doctors and nurses reassured us that this was normal. It was too much of a shock to his system to abruptly stop being on oxygen since he had literally been on oxygen since he was born. He just needed to be gradually weaned from the oxygen, which could take awhile. I did not feel reassured.  

The weaning process was not going well. I was trying, without success, to mentally prepare because we might not get to go home any time soon. My mental preparation process wasn’t going any better than the weaning process.

Then we were blessed with Nurse Becky. The majority of our nurses and doctors were phenomenal, but I owe my sanity to Nurse Becky. She had Brayden weaned off oxygen in two days.

Now Brayden just had to be observed for 48 hours to make sure he would do ok off the oxygen. Finally we felt like there was an end in sight, that we might actually get to go home soon.

            Brayden was doing great and I was starting to regain a little composure, not a lot, but it was a start. We were still in the NICU but at least now we could hold him! His 48 hour observation period was coming to and end. He just needed to pass the car seat test and then we could go home.

The car seat test was simple. He needed to sit in his car seat for 90 minutes without any problems.

Brayden was in his car seat and sleeping so we decided to get something to eat while we waited. We were elated while we ate lunch. All Eric and I could talk about was how excited we were to finally be going home. As we walked back to Brayden’s room I realized that an hour had already passed. 30 more minutes until we could put this nightmare behind us and go home with our baby.

We got back to his room and found Brayden back in his bed which was strange because his 90 minutes weren’t up yet. Eric went and found the nurse who informed us Brayden failed the car seat test. He was unable to breath properly for the whole 90 minutes. We would have to stay another night and try again in the morning.

The little bit of composure I had regained was gone. I was so emotionally, physically, and mentally drained that all that remained now was hopelessness.

The nightmare was not over; I didn’t think it would ever be over. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t wake up from this horrible dream. All I wanted to do was take my baby home, but I wasn’t sure if that was ever going to happen.

The next morning the nurse came to try the car seat test again. I was not hopeful. This time we stayed in the room with Brayden. Eric nervously watched the clock while I watched the monitors, waiting for them to beep in alarm when his oxygen levels dropped. They never beeped. The nurse came back smiling and told us she was getting our discharge papers ready.

I felt the hopelessness slowly start to melt away, but I was cautious not to get to eager. I didn’t think I could handle having the chance to go home dangled in my face only to get ripped away yet again.

It wasn’t until we were physically out of the hospital and in the car that the tears started again. Only this time they were tears of relief. We may have gotten off to a rocky start and nothing went like I had pictured but we were finally able to drive off into the sunset and start our new life as a happy, healthy family.

Being in the NICU was a life changing experience. It was very hard to "get over" to be honest I don't know if I will ever "get over" it. Not just because of what happened with Brayden. In fact I feel very blessed because Brayden is a healthy boy and has no kind of health problems asscoiated with being born in respiratory distress. All it is now is just a bad memory that we had to move past. The reason I say it was life changing is because of the other babies that were in the NICU. To be honest Brayden was probably in the best condition of all the babies there. Any of the other familes would have loved to been in our shoes.  All the babies there were so sick and some of them had been there for months. I could hardly survive 9 days..just try to imagine months. Even worse is some of those babies never get to go home. I will never foget seeing those tiny babies lying in hospital beds struggling for their lives. It just doesn't seem fair. March for Babies is a way we can do something about it. A way for us to reach out and help all of those babies and their familes. Please join me by making a donation or signing up to walk with me and maybe someday we can live in a world where all babies are born healthy.  Go to http://www.marchforbabies.org/ to join the cause. My team name is Team Fagley.

This Moms take on Teen Mom 2

I have been hooked on 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom since the beginning. I am so captivated by these young girls and their lives. Being a new mom is hard, I can't imagine doing it as a teenager. When I think about how I was as a teenager, and then how hard raising a baby is...the two just don't mix well at all!

This new season, Teen Mom 2, so far has been even better than the first Teen Mom, I think anyways. Leah, Cory and the twins melt my heart. I was bawling last night when they found out something is wrong with one of their girls. I know what it's like to not know if your baby is going to be OK, and it is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. You feel so helpless and you just get swallowed up in this never ending pit of despair. Poor baby! I hope she is OK, it's heartbreaking to see innocent little baby's suffer.

Someone said to me the other day (because I talk about Teen Mom literally every chance I get) That Janelle is going to be this season's Amber. I agreed at first, but not any more. Amber was just so hard to like and that made it hard to feel for her. She was just such a biatch all the time. Janelle, on the other hand, has moments when I just want to reach out and give her a hug. Yes she is irresponsible, yes she makes bad choices, yes so far she hasn't been a very good mom, but there is just something about her that I find enduring. Her mom is doing the right thing by getting custody of Jace because she is raising him, and Janelle needs a big reality check.

So far I haven't gotten too wrapped up with the other two girls stories, but I have a feeling I will have A LOT to say about Chelsea getting back together with that loser! When I watched her 16 and Pregnant episode and he called her a fat stretch marked bitch, I lost it! How dare he, he is dead to me. From one fat stretch marked bitch to another, she needs to kick his ass to the curb forever. He hasn't changed, don't be stupid. I know before the season is over he will once again show his true asshole colors.

People talk about how these shows make Teen pregnancy glamours, but I strongly disagree. The people saying that have obviously never watched the show. If I was still 16 and watched these two shows, it would scare the crap out of me. These girls lives are anything but glamours. The reason I think this show is so good is because it is heartbreakingly real. I think it is good for teens to see how hard and how much of a struggle it really is to have kids at that age. People argue, well some girls might get pregnant just for a chance to be on the show. Well here is the reality: There has always been teen pregnancy, there always will be teen pregnancy and shining a light on the issue will ultimately help, not hurt the situation.

Props to Single Moms (and Dads) Everywhere

I have alot of respect for single moms. Being a mom is a hard job. I couldn't imagaine doing it with out the support of my husband. If I run errands during the day, while Eric is at work, it wears me out. You have to make sure the diaper is clean, put on coats and hats, make sure the diaper bag is packed with everything you could need for any possible situation that might arise. Then you have to load the car up with all these things. First cram a squirming baby into the carseat, then load all the crap (i.e. diaper bag, stroller, toys, etc.). I do all this before I put on my shoes. Cause have you ever tried to put on shoes while holding a baby, doesn't work out so well. Every thing is loaded in the car, I have run back inside and got my shoes on, so finally we are ready to drive to the store (or where ever we may be going that day).
We get to the store, then the unloading proccess begins. Get the stroller out of the trunk, get the baby out of the carseat and into the stroller, smush the diaper bag into the small basket on the bottom of the stroller. Are ya still with me? Good, because we are ready to venture into the store. Inside everyone and their mother wants to talk to you. Which is fine but sometimes people say the caziest things, and I know from personal experience, 9 times out of 10, its the cazies that want to talk. Most people just smile and say "oh what a cute baby," Not the cazies, they want conversation. Like the other day I had a woman come up to me in kmart and say "your baby is actually really beautiful, this is the first time in awhile I have seen a truely pretty baby." What? What kind of a thing is that to say. Like how could these other parents have the edacity to parade their ugly babies around kmart. Here is what I do in this type of situation; Smile, nod, and pick up the pace to get Brayden the H away from the crazies.
Anyway, so we manage accomplish what ever task we set out to achieve. Fingers crossed, without a melt down in the store, by either me or Brayden. Come on Moms don't pretend like it is only our kids who have the ability to melt down in public!
Now it is time to reload the car with the same crap, plus any new crap we may have picked up during the outing. By now I am sure you are catching on to the drill. Get the baby back in the carseat, get the stroller folded and back in the trunk, yayda yayd. Drive home and unload, you guessed it, all the same crap. First take baby inside and get him settled, then back out to the car for at least on more trip, depending on how much new crap you have accumulated.
I gotta tell you I am exsausted and ready for a nap just writing about taking an outing so you can imagine how it can wear a person out. The point of this little rambling is when Eric is with us, all of a sudden it becomes 10 times easier. So for moms and dads (gotta give love to the single dads too!) who always have to do everything by themselves I give you props. You don't have an easy job. There are some days that I am staring at the clock waiting for Eric to get home so I can take a much needed break. Or on the weekends when I get a little extra sleep.
I am greatful for my husband. I might give him a hard time occasionally but he is wonderful (90% of the time). He has been my best friend and support system since I was 17. I know, I know, but honestly if it wasn't for him I don't know where I would be right now. Probably passed out drunk in a ditch. But like they say life is a two way street, so if it wasn't for me he would probably also be passed out drunk in a ditch. Hey maybe even the same ditch as me...I guess when it's meant to be it's meant to be.