As I sit here in the aftermath of the passing of my Grandma I feel sad and guilty but also hopeful. I feel sad because the world has lost a truly amazing woman. The kind of woman who went to college and earned her teaching degree in a time when the world didn't value a woman with an education. The kind of woman who can raise seven children and raise them well. The kind of woman who was funny, caring, wise, loving and did it all while looking flawless! The kind of mom that I try to be. The kind of Grandma that I hope to be someday.
I feel guilty because I hadn't seen my Grandma in two years. We lived so far away for so long, but since we moved closer 5 months ago I've been saying I really need to make the trip to see her. I didn't make the trip and now I won't get the chance. This is weighing heavily on my heart. I wish I would have tried harder to go see her. I wish she would have got the chance to meet Cooper. I hope she knew how much I love her and how much she means to me, I think she did.
I feel hopeful because her and Grandpa are finally together again. They are now in a place where there is no Alzheimer's, no pain, no surgery. They can just happily watch their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, hand in hand, side by side. I hope that the thought of being with grandpa again brought her peace in her final days. They had the kind of love that everyone yearns for, but not everyone is lucky enough to get. The kind of love that I'm fortunate enough to have with Eric. I think that I know so certainly that Eric and I have that kind of love from watching my grandparents interact with each other.
I have so many great memories from my childhood flooding my brain right now. I wonder if pecan sandies really were my Grandma's favorite type of cookie, or over the years she just came to realize that was the only kind of cookie that would last more than five minutes in a house full of grand kids. I know the oreo's in Grandpa's cookie jar didn't last long. I remember her laugh, she had a great laugh. Every Sunday Grandpa would drive Grandma into town so she could get her hair done. I always thought it was so crazy she didn't have her drivers licence. She was the only adult I knew who couldn't drive. I still have her two pink fish that hung in her bathroom for years. I always loved those fish when I was a kid and was so happy when they were given to me. Those fish have hung in every bathroom of every place I have lived since I moved out of my parents house (which has been A LOT of places!). Even all the scuzzy, run down, mice infested apartments I lived in during college. The fish always make it feel like home and that's because those fish remind me of my childhood and of my Grandma. That's what it's all about, the memories. Gone but never forgotten. I love you Grandma!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
A Happy Mom = A Good Mom
Clicking on new post felt good, it felt really good. It has been so long since I have done any kind of writing and it feels good to be back. I've missed it! I just didn't realize how much until now. Since Cooper has been born (so for 11 months now) I haven't had the chance to do much writing at all. Well that's not entirely true, the truth is since Cooper's been born I haven't made much time for writing. It's actually one of my pet peeves when people use not having the time as an excuse not to do something. If it's something you really want to do it, then make the time.
My family has gone through a big change, a huge change actually, we moved from Pittsburgh PA to Rock Springs WY going on five months ago. As any of you who have ever moved before know, moving is hard! When we (we being just me and Eric back then) first moved to Pittsburgh from Butte, MT I thought we had made a big mistake. As it turns out I think moving to PA was the best thing we could have done at that time in our lives, it is my hope that I will soon feel that way about moving to Rock Springs.
One thing moving has done, well either moving or the fact that Cooper is getting a little older, is to rekindle my desire to start writing again. Writing makes me happy, it's my thing. Here is something that I've learned, it may seem obvious and simple but that's not always the case, to be the best mom you can be YOU have to be happy. A happy mom equals a good mom!
This means different things for different people. Some moms could stay at home if they wanted too, but don't because they wouldn't like it, and that's OK! It's better to sped less time with your kid if that means more "quality" time. I mean if you're home all day and miserable and cranky, sure you're around your kids more, but EVERYONE is unhappy! Are you going to be happy all day everyday? Of course not! Don't be ridiculous! There will be time when working moms feel guilty about leaving their children and there will be times when stay at home moms feel like they are literally going to go bat-shit-crazy! Trust me, this fact (the bat-shit-crazy part) I know all to well.
But it's not just if you are a working mom or a SAHM. It's much more than that, you are much more than that. It's so easy for us moms to get in the mind set that we are ONLY moms. Being a mom is wonderful and the number one priority, but being a mom is only part of you, probably the bigest part sure, but you are still you. It's OK to take time for yourself. It's OK to have hobbies and interests that don't involve your children. I know I know you don't have the time or the money or the energy or the whatever you excuse may be. But you need to make the time, budget in the money, drink a damn cup of coffee or whatever, it's important! It's important because it might make you feel guilty or like you're being a bad mom if you don't devote 100% of your time to your kids, but ultimately it will make you a BETTER mom! And don't tell me spending time with your kids does make you happy, OF COURSE that makes you happy, but everyone needs some variety of one kind or another. We want our children to grow up to be well rounded people, right!?! So we need to model for them how to be well round, by being well rounded ourselves.
Another thing I also know from personal experience is this, it's easier said than done. But I'm working on it and you should too! Get out there momma and find something, other than your kids, that makes you happy!
My family has gone through a big change, a huge change actually, we moved from Pittsburgh PA to Rock Springs WY going on five months ago. As any of you who have ever moved before know, moving is hard! When we (we being just me and Eric back then) first moved to Pittsburgh from Butte, MT I thought we had made a big mistake. As it turns out I think moving to PA was the best thing we could have done at that time in our lives, it is my hope that I will soon feel that way about moving to Rock Springs.
One thing moving has done, well either moving or the fact that Cooper is getting a little older, is to rekindle my desire to start writing again. Writing makes me happy, it's my thing. Here is something that I've learned, it may seem obvious and simple but that's not always the case, to be the best mom you can be YOU have to be happy. A happy mom equals a good mom!
This means different things for different people. Some moms could stay at home if they wanted too, but don't because they wouldn't like it, and that's OK! It's better to sped less time with your kid if that means more "quality" time. I mean if you're home all day and miserable and cranky, sure you're around your kids more, but EVERYONE is unhappy! Are you going to be happy all day everyday? Of course not! Don't be ridiculous! There will be time when working moms feel guilty about leaving their children and there will be times when stay at home moms feel like they are literally going to go bat-shit-crazy! Trust me, this fact (the bat-shit-crazy part) I know all to well.
But it's not just if you are a working mom or a SAHM. It's much more than that, you are much more than that. It's so easy for us moms to get in the mind set that we are ONLY moms. Being a mom is wonderful and the number one priority, but being a mom is only part of you, probably the bigest part sure, but you are still you. It's OK to take time for yourself. It's OK to have hobbies and interests that don't involve your children. I know I know you don't have the time or the money or the energy or the whatever you excuse may be. But you need to make the time, budget in the money, drink a damn cup of coffee or whatever, it's important! It's important because it might make you feel guilty or like you're being a bad mom if you don't devote 100% of your time to your kids, but ultimately it will make you a BETTER mom! And don't tell me spending time with your kids does make you happy, OF COURSE that makes you happy, but everyone needs some variety of one kind or another. We want our children to grow up to be well rounded people, right!?! So we need to model for them how to be well round, by being well rounded ourselves.
Another thing I also know from personal experience is this, it's easier said than done. But I'm working on it and you should too! Get out there momma and find something, other than your kids, that makes you happy!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
But baby, toddler beds are for...well toddlers
It was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Then from up the stairs there arose such a clatter I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter. Up the stairs I flew like a flash. To what did my wondering eyes appear, but Brayden out of his crib lying on the floor in fear.
So in case you didn't catch that, yesterday (which happened to be Christmas Eve) Brayden successfully climbed out of his crib and scared the crap out of me! I'm really not ready for him to be in a toddler bed yet, but I can't put him back in the crib knowing he can and will climb out. Next time he could really hurt himself. So we did the only thing we could do, we converted his crib into a toddler bed.
Brayden is 20 months old and I wasn't planing on putting him into a toddler bed for at least four more months-at least! Especially since Cooper wakes up twice a night to eat. When I'm feeding Cooper Brayden sometimes wakes up but then goes right back to sleep. Now that he isn't caged in the crib I'm worried he will get out of bed at 2 in the morning and start playing. He also wakes up around 6 most mornings when Eric gets up for work, but then goes back to sleep usually until around 8 or so. I just didn't want to deal with all that when I'm barely getting much sleep already. But ready or not it's toddler bed time.
What I didn't realize is that I'm also not emotionally ready for him to be in a toddler bed. The reason being toddlers sleep in toddler beds, not babies. So that means he is in fact a toddler. Before I know it I will be hearing the loud thunk when Cooper is able to climb out of his crib, and then my baby days will officially be over. Right now I feel okay with that, but I know it's only because I'm in the baby doesn't sleep through the night faze. In reality though, when that time does come I will be heartbroken.
So in case you didn't catch that, yesterday (which happened to be Christmas Eve) Brayden successfully climbed out of his crib and scared the crap out of me! I'm really not ready for him to be in a toddler bed yet, but I can't put him back in the crib knowing he can and will climb out. Next time he could really hurt himself. So we did the only thing we could do, we converted his crib into a toddler bed.
Brayden is 20 months old and I wasn't planing on putting him into a toddler bed for at least four more months-at least! Especially since Cooper wakes up twice a night to eat. When I'm feeding Cooper Brayden sometimes wakes up but then goes right back to sleep. Now that he isn't caged in the crib I'm worried he will get out of bed at 2 in the morning and start playing. He also wakes up around 6 most mornings when Eric gets up for work, but then goes back to sleep usually until around 8 or so. I just didn't want to deal with all that when I'm barely getting much sleep already. But ready or not it's toddler bed time.
What I didn't realize is that I'm also not emotionally ready for him to be in a toddler bed. The reason being toddlers sleep in toddler beds, not babies. So that means he is in fact a toddler. Before I know it I will be hearing the loud thunk when Cooper is able to climb out of his crib, and then my baby days will officially be over. Right now I feel okay with that, but I know it's only because I'm in the baby doesn't sleep through the night faze. In reality though, when that time does come I will be heartbroken.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
AHHHHHHHH
Want to know what's a lot harder than taking care of one kid, taking care of two kids. I knew it was going to be hard, but HOLY CRAP! This is the first time I've even been able to get on the computer in 5 weeks. That's because I am currently in the middle of a truly amazing phenomenon, both the kids are sleeping at the same time!
I'm so exhausted and somebody always needs something. Usually they both need something at the same time. My Mom had five kids and I didn't realise it growing up, but she is absolutely insane! I have decided it's a bad idea when the kids out number the parents. When Eric's home we can at least play a man to man defense, but when he's at work I have to switch to a zone defense. The kids could easily get together and plan a hostile take over of the house, I'm just hoping they never figure that out.
Oh geez, my 15 minutes of silence is over. Cooper has decided to wake up already. Maybe in another 5 weeks I will get a chance to finish this post, but don't hold your breath.
I'm so exhausted and somebody always needs something. Usually they both need something at the same time. My Mom had five kids and I didn't realise it growing up, but she is absolutely insane! I have decided it's a bad idea when the kids out number the parents. When Eric's home we can at least play a man to man defense, but when he's at work I have to switch to a zone defense. The kids could easily get together and plan a hostile take over of the house, I'm just hoping they never figure that out.
Oh geez, my 15 minutes of silence is over. Cooper has decided to wake up already. Maybe in another 5 weeks I will get a chance to finish this post, but don't hold your breath.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
This is For Any Mom Who's Ever Felt Judged
I'm so tired of how judgemental us moms can be towards each other, but also towards ourselves. I think that we all need to be less hard on ourselves and each other. Instead of shoving our own parenting views down others throats, maybe we should try and be supportive of each other, keeping in mind there is not one "right way" to raise a child. Obviously if you are a hooker who leaves her kids home alone while turning tricks, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the average hardworking, loving, doing the best she can mom. I have made a list of things that I'm done feeling guilty (well trying to be done feeling guilty) for. Some of the things on the list are things I make myself feel guilty about and some of the things other moms make me feel guilty about. I'm calling the list my I'm-not-perfect-but-I-try-hard-so-get-over-it-list. Now keep in mind this is my own personal list, some of things you might agree with and some you may not. This list is not meant to offend or judge moms who feel differently, this is just how I feel. To each their own.
1. I stop breastfeeding at 6 months, get over it. If you want to go longer than that, power to ya! But I don't. And it doesn't mean that my kids are going to be sitting in the back of the class drooling while the kid who was breastfed longer will be graduating from Harvard at age 16.
2. Sometimes I give Brayden lucky charms for breakfast, get over it. I know, I know everything we eat is poison and causes diseases. Well guess what I don't have the time, money, or energy to make sure every single thing he eats is 100% natural and organic, plus their delicious!
3. I use disposable diapers, get over it. Don't get me wrong, I understand why people go the cloth diaper way, but I'd much rather wrap that turd up and throw it away!
4. I let my baby cry it out at bedtime, get over it. Brayden sleeps through the night, takes 2 hour naps everyday and its never a fight. I also don't believe I did any physiological damage by letting him cry for 15 minutes while he falls asleep. I think it's way more physiologically damaging for parents who don't get any sleep for two years.
5. I need more kid free time, get over it. This is actually the big one where all the guilt I feel is coming from myself and I'm still working on it. I need more reasons to take a shower and change out of my sweatpants. I need more time to be Sara instead of Mom. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I know it's probably a very normal way to feel, but it makes me feel really guilty! I'm still working on getting over it, but it's hard. I love Brayden and I love being his mom, but that doesn't mean I don't need a break now and then. It makes sense, so why does it make me feel so damn guilty?
If you are someone who breastfed for a year plus or picked up your baby every time he cried, don't feel like I'm saying that's wrong, because I'm not. Like I always say you have to do what works and feels right for you and your family. The point of this list is we need to stop being so judgemental of each other because in the end we all want the same thing, and that is for our children to be happy and healthy!
1. I stop breastfeeding at 6 months, get over it. If you want to go longer than that, power to ya! But I don't. And it doesn't mean that my kids are going to be sitting in the back of the class drooling while the kid who was breastfed longer will be graduating from Harvard at age 16.
2. Sometimes I give Brayden lucky charms for breakfast, get over it. I know, I know everything we eat is poison and causes diseases. Well guess what I don't have the time, money, or energy to make sure every single thing he eats is 100% natural and organic, plus their delicious!
3. I use disposable diapers, get over it. Don't get me wrong, I understand why people go the cloth diaper way, but I'd much rather wrap that turd up and throw it away!
4. I let my baby cry it out at bedtime, get over it. Brayden sleeps through the night, takes 2 hour naps everyday and its never a fight. I also don't believe I did any physiological damage by letting him cry for 15 minutes while he falls asleep. I think it's way more physiologically damaging for parents who don't get any sleep for two years.
5. I need more kid free time, get over it. This is actually the big one where all the guilt I feel is coming from myself and I'm still working on it. I need more reasons to take a shower and change out of my sweatpants. I need more time to be Sara instead of Mom. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I know it's probably a very normal way to feel, but it makes me feel really guilty! I'm still working on getting over it, but it's hard. I love Brayden and I love being his mom, but that doesn't mean I don't need a break now and then. It makes sense, so why does it make me feel so damn guilty?
If you are someone who breastfed for a year plus or picked up your baby every time he cried, don't feel like I'm saying that's wrong, because I'm not. Like I always say you have to do what works and feels right for you and your family. The point of this list is we need to stop being so judgemental of each other because in the end we all want the same thing, and that is for our children to be happy and healthy!
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Fight of the Finger Nail
I don't understand why cutting my 17 month old son's finger nails has to be such a battle. If he would just sit still and let me do it, it wouldn't even take five minutes. It was so nice when he was a little baby and would fall asleep in my lap and then I would cut his nails, ahhh lets all take a minute to remember those days.
I think the most annoying thing about cutting nails is that his nails grow so fast that they need to be cut practically once a week. I mean seriously the kid is like wolverine when it comes to his nail growth.
So let me paint the picture for you of how it goes when nail cutting time is upon us. The minute he sees the clippers he takes off to his hiding spot behind the couch. Our couch is a sectional that is about 2 feet from the wall, which makes a perfect fort for a toddler. The only problem is now that I happen to be 32 weeks pregnant I can't easily fit behind the couch to drag the little stinker out.
When I finally manage to get him corralled onto my lap the waterworks start. He screams and struggles to break free. I usually get about two out of ten nails cut before he escapes and we start the whole process over again. Now keep in mind this is only for the finger nails, if I'm cutting his toe nails he will sit there like a little angel, go figure.
I have no idea why he hates it so much. By some miracle I have never got his skin. I've tried turning on the TV and letting him hold his blanket. In last month's issue of Parent magazine there was an article on how to make the things your kids hate easier with these simple tricks. One of the things just so happened to be cutting finger nails. The author said when she cuts her child's finger nails she pretends like the nail hits her in the eye and it makes the kid laugh. Well I'm desperate and willing to give anything a try, so I tried it. Let's just say if it had worked I wouldn't currently be blogging about how much I hate cutting Brayden's finger nails. I am open for suggestions, but feel that there isn't much hope and it will continue to be a pain in my constantly growing arse!
I think the most annoying thing about cutting nails is that his nails grow so fast that they need to be cut practically once a week. I mean seriously the kid is like wolverine when it comes to his nail growth.
So let me paint the picture for you of how it goes when nail cutting time is upon us. The minute he sees the clippers he takes off to his hiding spot behind the couch. Our couch is a sectional that is about 2 feet from the wall, which makes a perfect fort for a toddler. The only problem is now that I happen to be 32 weeks pregnant I can't easily fit behind the couch to drag the little stinker out.
When I finally manage to get him corralled onto my lap the waterworks start. He screams and struggles to break free. I usually get about two out of ten nails cut before he escapes and we start the whole process over again. Now keep in mind this is only for the finger nails, if I'm cutting his toe nails he will sit there like a little angel, go figure.
I have no idea why he hates it so much. By some miracle I have never got his skin. I've tried turning on the TV and letting him hold his blanket. In last month's issue of Parent magazine there was an article on how to make the things your kids hate easier with these simple tricks. One of the things just so happened to be cutting finger nails. The author said when she cuts her child's finger nails she pretends like the nail hits her in the eye and it makes the kid laugh. Well I'm desperate and willing to give anything a try, so I tried it. Let's just say if it had worked I wouldn't currently be blogging about how much I hate cutting Brayden's finger nails. I am open for suggestions, but feel that there isn't much hope and it will continue to be a pain in my constantly growing arse!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Unwanted Belly Touching
So I've heard lots of pregnant ladies talk about random people touching their belly. This was something I had never expericenced until recently. Nobody I didn't know ever touched my belly when I was pregnant with Brayden and it has only happened once this precnancy, but once is enough!
I really can't wrap my mind around it. Why on earth would anyone think it's ok to touch someone they didn't know like that? I mean a belly, especially for a woman, is a private place, I think I would honestly be less offened if she had gave my boobies a little honk. I don't even like people I know touching my belly. I have had lots of friends all up on my belly and to be honest I'm not crazy about it, but it doesn't upset me. I will tell you this, give a pregnant lady some warning before you attack or wait for her to initiat the touching. The only people allowed to touch without warning are Eric and Brayden. But warning from Brayden would be nice since he is more of slapper than a toucher.
Now to the crazies out their who find it acceptable to touch the bellies of pregnant women they do not know, what the hell is a matter with you? Seriously! It's weird and makes you look creepy, which lets face it, you probably are. And on that note, if I don't know you, don't touch my kid either. Listen I know he is irresitable with those big blue eyes and chubby cheeks, but hands off. I have accepted the fact that I can't go anywhere without having random people come up and talk to me and Brayden, it's annoying, but I have accepted it. I will never make the mistake of going to the walking trail without my headphones again. And for the record if I politly nod but keep walking when you try to talk to me, it means I'm not the least bit interested in what you have to say. Now when they touch him, it's a diffrent story and momma bear has to make an apperance. I don't know where your hands have been, and quite frankly I don't want to think about where your hands have been, so don't pat his head, tap his nose, or pat his shoulder. It really stresses me out when strangers touch Brayden! The rule is unless we know you, hands off!
I really can't wrap my mind around it. Why on earth would anyone think it's ok to touch someone they didn't know like that? I mean a belly, especially for a woman, is a private place, I think I would honestly be less offened if she had gave my boobies a little honk. I don't even like people I know touching my belly. I have had lots of friends all up on my belly and to be honest I'm not crazy about it, but it doesn't upset me. I will tell you this, give a pregnant lady some warning before you attack or wait for her to initiat the touching. The only people allowed to touch without warning are Eric and Brayden. But warning from Brayden would be nice since he is more of slapper than a toucher.
Now to the crazies out their who find it acceptable to touch the bellies of pregnant women they do not know, what the hell is a matter with you? Seriously! It's weird and makes you look creepy, which lets face it, you probably are. And on that note, if I don't know you, don't touch my kid either. Listen I know he is irresitable with those big blue eyes and chubby cheeks, but hands off. I have accepted the fact that I can't go anywhere without having random people come up and talk to me and Brayden, it's annoying, but I have accepted it. I will never make the mistake of going to the walking trail without my headphones again. And for the record if I politly nod but keep walking when you try to talk to me, it means I'm not the least bit interested in what you have to say. Now when they touch him, it's a diffrent story and momma bear has to make an apperance. I don't know where your hands have been, and quite frankly I don't want to think about where your hands have been, so don't pat his head, tap his nose, or pat his shoulder. It really stresses me out when strangers touch Brayden! The rule is unless we know you, hands off!
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