Friday, August 5, 2011

1st pregnancy vs. 2nd pregnancy

The worries I am having during my second pregnancy are completely different from the ones I had with my first. When I was pregnant with Brayden, I was worried about everything. I was scared to take a bath because I was positive that no matter how luke warm the water was, it was to hot. I have a Jacuzzi tub, and was convinced that turning on the jets was going to shake Brayden around so much that he would end up with brain damage.
This time around I don't worry near as much about that kind of stuff. I think it is pretty common for moms to chill out after their first pregnancy. Like this time around if I wake up on my back I simply roll over and go back to sleep; last time if I woke up on my back I would get all stressed that I had cut off my baby's circulation and he was in there all thrashing around. There is only one thing I have been really worried about with this pregnancy, but it is a big thing. I am so scared that we are going to have to go back to the NICU.
I don't think I can handle going through that again, the thought of it keeps me up at night. I wish my biggest worry was that I was drinking the recommended 80 ounces of fluids a day, I mean come on, 80 ounces, does any really drink that much water everyday? But this fear is so much more real. I think the biggest reason it's so scary is because it's a completely rational fear. Lets face it, pregnant women are not the most rational group of people around. But going through what we went through with Brayden was so real and so hard and so scary.
I know this is something that I have no control over, which actually makes it even more scary, but I can't help but worry about it. The NICU is the most depressing place I have ever been. All of those sick babies and devastated parents. There is no worse feeling than seeing your 1 day old baby lying in a mini hospital bed with a ventilator shoved down his throat. I have said it before and I will say it again, we are so thankful that we got to bring our happy, healthy baby boy home after 9 days because not all babies get to go home. For us it is nothing but a bad memory, a really bad memory that could end up repeating itself. Only this time we wouldn't be able to drop everything and spend 9 days at the hospital because we have another kid at home who also needs us. STRESSFUL!
I hate to be such a downer, but lately I have been thinking about this a lot. Well I guess there is no reason to get all worked up about something that is completely out of my control, all I can do is hope for the best.

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